I shall like to read from you

Latest spam over the transom. I’ve highlighted the most incomprehensible sentence, if you can call it that.

Hello ! You probably will be very much surprised to my letter.
And where I could find your electronic address. One of these days I
was registered a dating site . And today to me from him there
has come the reference with your address. In it it was spoken, that we
with you harmonious pair. And I have decided to write to you this
letter. My name Michelle, me of 27 years. My growth of 170 sm, my
weight of 53 kg. I live in Russia, in city Zvenigovo. I like to travel
various places. I was in such countries of Europe, as Finland, Poland,
Latvia. I traveled as the tourist. You should not have excitement be
relative that we not beside.
I am woman, that if I shall like man for
a meeting i shall reach him. Besides in our days it is not a problem
to travel. I don’t worry about it and I can do it, it is possible to
have relations with the person of other part of the world. It is very
interesting – other culture, thinking, traditions i like new places.
Probably you can learn Russian woman. I hope you will not be
frightened also we shall continue our acquaintance? I the quiet,
romantic girl. I want to meet in the life the present love. In my
opinion, At all a variety of nationalities occupying our planet. In
the world there is that unique person, With which I can find happiness
and family rest. My dream, it to create family, To leave in marriage
for remarkable the man, to give birth to children. And together with
the favourite person To aspire to bring up ours with it children that
they became the most remarkable people. Actually I very modest girls
and vulnerable. To me to not like, when people to face speak one, And
behind a back another is completely. And I think, that from the very
beginning of ours with you of acquaintance. We should be fair with
each other. I have no enclosed picture of me in this letter. I shall
send you a picture of me in the following letter.

If you are interested, write to my e mail: [redacted]

And you as well as I want to meet the present love in the life. That I
think to us with you it is necessary to begin ours with you
acquaintance. Who knows, it is possible we are really harmonious with
you. Also we shall create the best in the world a pair. I hope I shall
not stay without your attention. I wait for your answer, Michelle.

Leta says that this would be a great cold reading exercise at auditions. It’s less intelligible than “Ladle Rat Rotten Hut.”

A project of mutual benefit

Spammers don’t even make sense when you talk to them on the phone. Daniel Cressey makes a telephone call to “Robert Pasteiner” about a claimed affiliation with the University of London.

My name is Daniel and I’m a journalist at the magazine Nature.

Daniel, or journalist, or whatever. You should have to learn how to approach someone. OK? How do you mean that I’m claiming to be? I am the person that is talking to you and you’re telling me I’m claiming to be. You should have some courtesy before you call someone on the phone.

Briefly noted

…in last week’s Economist:

  • “Nauruan” is probably the only proper adjective that is also a palindrome.
  • Dubai is selling the naming rights to some of its metro stations and its two lines.

    Dubai Metro Naming Rights offers you unmatched impact and visibility to take your brand to new levels of saliency and success. What’s more, it is an immersive marketing opportunity that allows you to communicate and interact with your consumers at various touch points spread across the station/Metro network.

  • A panmictic population is one in which all individuals are potential partners.

Some links: 17

Via kottke.org, Wikigroaning is the dubious pastime of comparing the length and quality of a Wikipedia article on a general-interest topic (say, Knight) to a similarly-titled one on some wisp of useless fanfluff (Jedi Knight). For instance, while the article on Trail of Tears runs to 7 screens, the one for Tears for Fears runs to 13.

Extra points, I suppose, if you’ve never even heard of the pop-culture half of your article pair.

Old junk in new bottles

A new variant of Spanish prisoner/Nigerian 419 scam spam showed up today:

Hello,
Good day to you, my name is Bill Jeffers, I am an artist with my wife Susan
Jeffers, and we are the owner of PORTFOLIO ARTWORKS INC I am from London,
United Kingdom with my two kids, four cats, one dog and the love of my life my
wife. It is definitely a full house. I have been doing artwork since i was a
small child.

* * *

…I’ve been
selling my Art and Craft works for over 3 years now and have had my works
featured on trading cards, prints and magazines.
I’m always facing serious difficulties when it comes to PAYMENTS, This is
because most of my customers in AMERICA are always offering to pay me with U.S
POSTAL MONEY ORDERS OR CASHER’S CHEQUE, and it is very difficult for me to cash
U.S POSTAL MONEY ORDERS OR CASHER’S CHEQUE HERE in LONDON.

* * *

I am looking for a reliable commission agent who can help me receive payments
from my esteemed customers that I supply goods to in America.Your tasks are;
1. Receive payment from Customers
2. Cash Payment at your Bank
3. Deduct 7% which will be your percentage/pay on
Payment processed
4. Forward balance after deduction of percentage/pay
to any of the offices you will be contacted to send
payment to.(Payment is to be forwarded either by Money Grame or Western Union
Money Transfer).

It seems to me that if Bill doesn’t want to deal with a pesky CASHER’S CHEQUE, he could make arrangements with American Express. I even think they charge less than 7%.