bcc: S.Clemens@gmail.com

Oh, this one is hilarious.

Attention: Customer,

This is to notify you that CHASE BANK has made all arrangement on how
to transfer your funds, but now our problem here is that one Mrs.
Cynthia Edward, came to informed us that you are DEAD, and before your
death as a result of COVID, you instructed her to come for the claim
of your funds in the tune of US2.Million
that was long abandoned in your name with CHASE BANK.

So here comes the big question…. This questions has been a BIG
PROBLEMS to the Board Directors CHASE BANK, not knowing whom to
TRANSFER YOUR FUNDS to, please just get back immediately, if real you
are Alive.

(:i) Did you authorize Mrs. Cynthia Edward to come for your claim?

(ii) Are you truly Dead OR Alive?

If (NO) you are hereby advice as a matter of urgency to reconfirm the
details of this message within 24hours, hence your funds shall be
wired into her account without any more delay.

Lastly, you are advice to reconfirm the details of this message and
get back immediately with these information’s
below..

1.Full name:………………………..
2.Direct telephone number:………………..
3.Address:………………………..
4.Your personal identification to enable us confirm you are not dead.
5.Current occupation and address.

This information’s above must be provided for reconfirmation to Enable
us make payment to you, hence, your funds will be remit/wire into her
account as already provide to this management.

I have to inform you that we have completed all issues of your payment
in our bank since on the 20th of May.

Apparently, your International Deposit Online Payment Account has been
opened successfully.

You will ACCESS your account and confirm your approved sum of (TWO
MILLION UNITED STATE DOLLARS) has been officially Credited into the
Account today. You are legally empowered Authorized to make effectual
transfers from the Account as you follow the guidelines below.

Your USD Online Account is READY FOR EASY TRANSFER DIRECT TO YOUR ACCOUNT.

Please follow the instructions in the confirmation of this payment
Issues in the bank telephone banking administration sheet below to
confirm your payment.
.
Stage 1: Dial (CHASE BANK) Telephone Banking Confirmation Account
System on [REDACTED]

then after the voice contact, enter your account Pass Code [REDACTED]

Stage 2: enter your Account Number which is [REDACTED]

Stage 3: enter your account Account Pin Code [REDACTED]

Stage 4: to make transfer press 4 enter your destination account
number, which is your personal bank account number, swift code/routing
number apparently[!?], your fund IF YOU ARE HAVING ANY ISSUES, BE ADVICE
TO CONTACT ME DIRECTLY ON MY EMAIL.

Your fund will be transferred immediately into your personal bank
account via our electronic wire transfer system once you have the
complete requirement.

Lastly, Do get back to us immediately the transfer take place to enable
us update our official record.

Kindly call me as soon as you receive this email. NOTE: THIS TRANSFER
HAS BEEN MADE FREE OF CHARGE, YOU ARE NOT REQUIRE TO PAY FOR IT.

Congratulation as we hope to do more successful business with you, Our
aim is to put smiles in all our customer face, if our service is very
ok with you[!?], please do let us know.

Yours faithfully,

WHAT I REQUIRE FROM YOU IF TRULY YOU ARE ALIVE, JUST MAIL ME AND SAY
TO ME ( I AM ALIVE )

If not you are at your own risk.

H.E Ronny Jumeau
Sychelles Ambassador.
CC: FEDERAL RESERVE BANK HEADQUARTERS,
WASHINGTON D.C.

I am oh so tempted to reply to this one. I would not want to be the cause of a BIG PROBLEMS to the Board Directors CHASE BANK.

Where does it all go?

Golly, with all the TVs and computers and Norton subscriptions I’ve bought, it’s not surprising that I only have 234.89 USD left to buy Bitcoin.

Dear Member,

Thank You for choosing Paypal for placing your Order BITCOIN.

Your order has been successfully placed.

The Payment will be shown soon within next 5 to 10 hours on PAYPAL

PRODUCT INFORMATION

Memo Id : BFCR#3876BFT
Item Name : BITCOIN (BTC)

Order Placed Date : 4th May 2022
Receiving Date : Day After Place The Order.
Price
: 234.89 USD
Charge Mode : PAYPAL

If you Wish to Cancel then please feel free to contact our Billing Department as soon as Possible.

You can reach us on [REDACTED]

Regards,

paypal Billing Department

Peculiar Muzak: 8

Not, strictly speaking, Muzak, because it was clearly an album/CD that I was listening to in my urologist’s office (while the receptionist was doing a great job of Fully Committed with a difficult patient): arranged for breathy girls’ choir and piano, pop hits from the 80s and 90s. I could make out through the pillowy arrangements and crappy speakers

  • “Follow You Follow Me”
  • “Boys Don’t Cry” (with particularly obfuscatory dynamics)
  • “Barbie Girl”
  • “In the Air Tonight” (with no drum drop—what’s up with that?)
  • And the mystery as a bonus, because I cannot make out who committed such an enormity. Spotify is fine for finding one song, but not an entire track list. But wait—the Googles came through. The CD (Solstice by Scala & Kolacny Brothers) was on shuffle!

    I don’t think you’ve lived until you’ve experienced this version of “Creep”:

    As Martin Vanderhof said,

    GRANDPA [surveying the group]: Well, sir, you should have been there. That’s all I can say—you should have been there.

“Lakeland, Florida but they will deliver it to your door step”

Ed Solomon keeps a text-message spammer-scammer going for an hour and a half.

10:41 A.M. “Richard Weeks”
i got $150,000 delivered to me when i applied for the grant and you dont have to pay it back.. you can also apply

10:41 A.M. Ed Solomon
shut up. no way—are you serious??

10:42 A.M. “Richard Weeks”
I’m very serious and am not pulling your legs. I’m so happy cuz when i received the Money from Ups, I quickly paid off my bills and saved the rest to the bank. Though, currently thinking on Investments

And so…

11:24 A.M. Ed Solomon
thanks. okay. and tell me honestly. and i promise i won’t tell her. Is SHE the one who gave you the rash? (cause i was wondering why you and i both have the same thing)

11:26 A.M. “Richard Weeks”
yes shes the one

Ah, the power of saying, “yes, and.”

Haze figuring

Hilarious but true: a category of rubbish research papers, run through a word-for-word thesaurus in an attempt to avoid detection of plagiarism and duplication, can in fact be easily detected. Holly Else reports on a preprint posted in July by Guillaume Cabanac and colleagues. Some juicy howlers, called “tortured phrases” by the paper’s authors: counterfeit consciousness for artificial intelligence, irregular esteem for random value, and flag to commotion for signal to noise.

Mess around

Tasty word salad spam. The cherry on top is “…try and dance on the rule and regulations given to you here.”

Apparently, I have been cautioned against dealing with scammers, and if I don’t pay the processing fee, the money I am expecting from the scammers… will be delivered?

Federal Bureau of Investigation Department
FBI Headquarters, Washington, D.C.
Federal Bureau Of Investigation
J.Edgar Hoover Building
935 Pennsylvania Avenue, Nw
Washington, D.C. 20535-0001

URGENT ATTENTION: ORDER FROM FBI WASHINGTON D.C

Urgent Attention:

We the entire federal bureau of investigation department Washington,
D.C. have instructed you to stop further contact and communication you
have with any Bank, Courier or Diplomat in Africa, because we realize
today that you are still dealing with those fraudsters after we have
warned you last year, even few months ago to stop complying with those
internet hackers/scammers but you insist, ignored our instruction.

Thus, mind you that your ignorance might lead you into serious problem
because we just receive a second report letter today from Bank of
America, World Bank Group, UBA Bank Benin Republic, Interpol Police,
Central Intelligent Agency (CIA) and United Nation Organization
stating that you haven’t secured your Authorization Release Permit
Certificate which we advised you few months ago to obtain before the
shipment of your consignments worth $15.8 million united state dollars
will be completed, but till now you still remain silent simply because
you think that you can do otherwise or mess around with Federal Bureau
of Investigation.

Moreover since your negative thought will not allow you to believe on
them, now you are hereby advised again with the power of this Custody
(FBI) to use this information listed below and send the required fee
of $1,750 usd to United State Consignment department Agency Florida
today, to enable them work faster on the paperwork before it will
become too late because delaying this shipment again might lead you to
jail simple because we have warned you severally to stop every
communication you have with any Bank, Courier, Diplomatic or
individual, but you refuse to accept our instruction. Furthermore,
sending the fee today will be your best option because we have
concluded to track you down if you fails to comply with the
instruction given to you here, so get back to us with the payment
information immediately you receive this email, again don’t forget to
reconfirm your personal information as soon as you send the fee of
$1,750 usd today to avoid wrong delivery, Use the information of the
United State Consignment department Agency Florida as listed below and
send the money via Western Union, Money Gram or Ria ONLY.

Receiver: Mrs. Sandra Jean Wright
Country: United State
City: Jacksonville Florida USA
Test Question :…… Very
Answer:…….. urgent
Amount:………… $1,750.00
Mtcn number and sender’s name ………

Therefore you have to try as much as you can and make this payment
today so that your consignment will be delivered to you today.
Remember that you are warn to stop every transaction you have with any
body or office in Africa, to avoid delay during the registration of
your Consignment. Again mind you that your ignorance or delay, may
force us by urgent arrest to your home address, so try and dance on
the rule and regulations given to you here.

Thank For Your Understanding while patiently waiting for your
immediate feedback together with the payment details.

Yours In Service
Dr. Christopher A. Wray
Secretary Of Federal Bureau of Investigation
FBI Headquarters, Washington, D.C

Keep trying

A new approach to phishing that I haven’t seen before from the benthic creepy-crawlies:

Failure Delivery Notice.
User: [REDACTED]

3 pending sent message couldn’t be delivered

Action Required.
How to Fix It.

Click here to view undelivered sent email.

Created Date: 4. 13. 2021

Off curse

The latest spamarista to tug on my heartstrings:

This is not spam/junk so if you seriously care about your future
kindly remove it to your inbox stay posted to what we offer for you as
we are here just for your help
Not long ago was where you are right now.
Anxious to change your life.
Ready to take action to start making money online.
So, I did what any self-respecting new entrepreneur would do…
I STALLED.
Instead of taking action… instead of going, going, going…
I distracted myself with more research. Heck, I could have studied for months…
You see, FEAR was holding me back.
FEAR was preventing me from taking action. FEAR was the block that sat in front of my goals.
Guys, want to know what will always cut fear down to size?
ACTION!
Deliberate, calculated, full guns blazing ACTION!
And once you start, there will be no stopping you.
Take action now by requesting your next success path to clone . It’s pretty awesome!
Actions speak,

Start Winning,
I want you to have the privilege and opportunity to live exactly how you want.
This site will help you to find that life.
It’s pretty quick — but life-changing — take look now!
Make the move,
This website will put you in motion towards making money online.
I know it works. I know it’s so worth it.
Expect great things, Don’t miss it!

Because I know it’s hard to trust anyone online nowadays
Others can fake reviews and Testimonials we all know the web full of scams
but the best thing is that you try our services yourself
so i will make it easy on you on 50% rule
i mean you send me 50% from the course price
than send me the other 50% after you get your download links
off curse your fully protected by 30 days money back grantee in the
safest money handling site in the world PayPal

Pay 50% now 50% after you Get it
Kindly inviting you to visit

[REDACTED]

Feel Free Requesting Any Course
Even If Not Listed In Our Site
Just Tell Us What Course Name And
What Do You Like To Pay For It
Will Give You Unbeatable Prices

YOU + [REDACTED] = Better Together

feel free telling us what price you have in mind
i will give you bundle offer if you pick more than one course
just Send us your requests
Good Luck
remember I’m only her to help you make more of yourself :-)
Awaiting your requests
Your reliable friend
MK

P.S. Time is of the essence on this one because this offer will end soon
Just in case you feel like we wasted your precious time sorry to disturb you my friend
Do not worry you will never hear from me again if you click the unsubscribe url below each message
Just kindly accept my invitation and visit [REDACTED]
Its group buy site where you can get any digital product for next than nothing
Nothing to lose and much to win

This quintain sent me over the edge: “Feel Free Requesting Any Course/Even If Not Listed In Our Site/Just Tell Us What Course Name And/What Do You Like To Pay For It/Will Give You Unbeatable Prices” I’m trying to decide between five bucks’ worth of Feynman on physics or Wittgenstein on philosophy.

I won!

Oh, no, I only came in second.

Through the transom today (blocked, actually, by my ISP’s glitchy spam filters):

FACEBOOK ONLINE INTERNATIONAL LOTTERY
FROM: THE DESK OF THE PRESIDENT.
INTERNATIONAL PROMOTIONS/PRIZE AWARD.
BATCH NUMBER: FB-0281/544
SERIAL NUMBER: 99352748-2020
TICKET NUMBER: FB-172-60
CATEGORY: 2ND

The entire Facebook team are very happy to inform you that your name appeared on the FACEBOOK ONLINE INTERNATIONAL LOTTERY and we are giving out the total sum of US$2,000,000.00 (Two Million UNITED STATE DOLLARS) which is what you have just won.

Your name was selected in a raffle that was made for the FACEBOOK ONLINE INTERNATIONAL LOTTERY for the year 2020 with the lucky number (FB-225-7736) so we need your fast response so that we can proceed with the claim process of your winnings.

Your name was selected by Mr Mark Zuckerberg the CEO of Facebook (Founder & Chief Executive Officer ). The promotion was made to make all Facebook users to benefit from the profit the company made while they use Facebook, Facebook is the first and ever largest means of meeting both old and new friends, the promo was done to serve as a means of appreciation to visitors on our site and also to help people to fight off poverty and to maintain a good standard of living, kindly contact Mr. Thomas Charles the Facebook Promo Coordinator and appointed as your claims officer via this email ([REDACTED]) immediately with the following information about you below:

Full Name:
Residential Address:
Private Mobile Number:
Date Of Birth
Occupation:

As soon as he gets your email with all the information stated above he will tell you on what next to do as regards the claiming and receiving of your winnings of US$2,000,000.00

Congratulations to you again on your winnings in the Facebook Promo 2020, we do hope you be among the lucky winners of the 2021 Lottery

Note: For security reasons and due to the mix-up of some numbers and names, we ask that you keep this notification strictly from public notice until your claim has been processed and your money remitted. This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming or unscrupulous acts by non-participants of this program. BE WARNED

FACEBOOK COMPANY
LOTTERY DEPARTMENT

Oops, sorry about not keeping “this notification strictly from public notice…”

I love how the winning ticket number in the header doesn’t match the one in the body.

Does this mean that I have to sign up for Facebook now?

Environmental fastid?

This week’s winner of the clumsy spam scam:

RE. YOUR FINANCIAL ACTIVITIES.

I AM MR. STEPHEN CROCKARD. HEAD INTERNATIONAL POLICE(INTERPOL) UK}.
THIS ORGANIZATION IS SET UP TO FIGHT AGAINST,CORRUPTION,CRIME AGAINST
CHILDREN,CYBERCRIME,DRUGS,ENVIRONMENTAL FASTID,FINANCIAL CRIME,
FUGITIVES,MARITIME PIRACY,ORGANIZED CRIME,PEOPLE
SMUGGLING,PHARMACEUTICAL CRIME, TERRORISM,TRAFFICKING IN HUMAN
BEINGS,TRAFFICKING IN ILLICIT GOODS,VEHICLE CRIME, WANTED PERSON,WAR
CRIME,WEAPON, WORKS OF ART ETC IN THE GLOBAL COMMUNITY.

That stray “}” just melts my heart. And who knew that Interpol was investigating works of art?